By Prince Gora
How do I begin? Well, perhaps I should start with a confession.
I wrote the first draft of this piece a few months ago and told myself that I wouldn`t publish it unless I had passed my then upcoming exam (the one I once wrote about in a blog piece titled “Hustling your way to graduation: The ups and downs”). I wanted to capture my emotions and feelings at that point in time but also didn`t want to publicize a potential failure.
See https://www.universityworldnews.com/post.php?story=2022041110532683
In the lead up to this exam, I was extremely anxious almost every day and had to take a one week sabbatical just before the exam.
One evening, some six days before the exam, while on a call with my girlfriend (yeah, she exists), I confided in her that I was afraid of this exam more than I had ever been afraid of any other in my life and couldn’t understand why. I used to study and go on to pass up to 10 modules in two weeks or so but suddenly, I found six days to be a pretty short time for me to grasp everything despite the fact that this time I was exclusively studying for 1 module; just 1. That is the day I drafted this piece.
“Don`t worry hun, you will be alright. You are simply afraid because this was the first time that you failed like this.”
Her response got me thinking. It suddenly dawned on me that my academic success (though relatively modest) was based on simply getting things right the first time. Failing a subject in primary school is almost an impossible task and in high school I literally never went below the 50 percent mark and managed to get pass marks in all my 10 subjects at O’ level and 4 subjects at A’ Level (not all straight As though).
In college things quickly changed. After some coursework mark mishaps, I did fail a course at the end of my first year. It was heartbreaking but not catastrophic as I proceeded to the next level. I worked on the coursework and got it all done with in the second year albeit at the expense of two more courses.
Foolishly, I waited or should I say gambled to address these at the very death and I lived to regret it. I put in some hard work in what was supposed to be my final semester at university and nearly got away with it except for this one course which I had failed back in my second year.
For the first time in my academic life, I had worked hard for something and still walked away empty handed. When I opened the results portal, I was devastated and only kept going by listening exclusively to Winky D’s Njema, Gafa Futi and Gafa Life: Kicks tape albums.
I lived with my failure in the hope of getting things right on the third time. As the chance to redeem myself came close though, instead of hope, I was restless and in despair. The thought of failing on a third try was a tough pill to swallow. I cannot help but wonder what would have happened if I had failed. This would have destroyed me, in every way imaginable.
After failing, they tell you to get up and try again but hear it from me; it`s easier said than done. You know you have to believe in you but sometimes it just seems to be too high a price to pay.
